Reflections on a Transformative Year.

Just over a year ago everything changed. Life as I knew it imploded immeasurebly, one day I was a husband in my marital home with two beautiful children to wake up to every morning, the next day I was not. The children remain and are as beautiful as ever but the day to day would never be the same. There is much to be learnt from such a life altering event and as the year reaches it's last few pages I'd like to take the liberty of sharing some key take aways from this most transformative year. 

Softness is Tough

It is a trusim that to be stoic and 'hard' represents tougness, building a wall to shield yourself is according to many a sign of being tough, strong and resolute. This transformative year has taught me that being soft, open and vulnerable is a much truer version of tougness. To be soft is far braver than repressing your feelings in the name of hardness. In a world where hardness seems to be the default being soft is a true act of rebellion. 

Befriend Your Grief

It is a term and condition of the human experience that we will come across grief throughout our lives, there is absolutely no way to avoid this and we must befriend our grief in order to maintain peace. When traumatic events happen there are two clear options, we can avoid the grief through a myriad of avoidant behaviours that simply shuffle our grief to the back of the deck until such time as it's laid in front of us again or we can befirend our grief and use it to learn, grow and connect. Befriending our grief is not an easy task because it involves a lot of pain and intrusive thoughts, but like any good relationship it is a process of understanding and acceptance that will reap many benefits in the long run. As my favourite lyric of 2024 says 'grief is only love that has no place to go'.

 (if you haven't listened to Steven Wilson Jr do yourself a favour)

Everything Is Art

I long believed that art was limited to what is traditionally known as 'The Arts' - visual art, music, dance etc but this year has taught me that in essence everything is art and that I am an artist by virtue of being a thinking, feeling and loving human. Every interaction. thought and feeling is a piece of art that is put into the universe for others to absorb and experience. We are all artists producing pieces for one another at all times. 

If You Did Your Best That's Enough

One of the major sources of anxiety we suffer as humans connects with the feeling of not being good enough or doing enough in any given situation. I have come to realise this year that this constant search for 'enough' is a mug's game that keeps us in a constant loop of let down. Quite simply, if you did your best that's enough and everyone's best will be completely different based on the many complexities that make up each of us as individuals as well as the antecedents that preceed any given moment. In these moments just do your best with what you have and be content that you did so.

What a year it's been and I sit here calmly knowing that I can only control what I can control and that fundamentally the majority of us mean well. 

I wish you all a bountiful, calm and pleasurable 2025. 

Happy New Year.